we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Randomize
