then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
