At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
