Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
