there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
