Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
