just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
