I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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