I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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