Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
please don't ironically join a cult
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