So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
