I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
