The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
