I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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