Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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