yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
