i barfeds in our rink
Do vagina's smell?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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