i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
