Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I deserve this hangover.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize