This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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