Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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