Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
