I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
