Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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