I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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