just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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