I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
