i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Just puked most of my soul out..
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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