God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
