Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
