im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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