I'm laying in your front yard are you home
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
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