Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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