he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm sobbing to NWA
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