dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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