Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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