halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
