the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
