And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
