he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
