No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You ruined the universe
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
