At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize