quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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