so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just invented taco cereal.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
