At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
