so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
