He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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