i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
