R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
