omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
