Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
