If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
