listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize