Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
