i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
