I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
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