Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
