It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
