READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
