So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
