today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
