hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
