I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
