Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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