why im i the only drunk person in the library?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
