Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
