she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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