what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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