it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Randomize