I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
