I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
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