I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
