how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
