what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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