wrigley field is MILF paradise
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
