goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
