porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
