They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
