i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Randomize
