is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
