i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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