We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
