pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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