btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
