it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
