How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I wear drunk well.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
